40: Leave the Magical Unicorn in the Fairytale

Hey peeps. I know it has been quite a while since I’ve posted a chronicles, so first let me start by apologizing. I could say life got in the way but that’s only partially true. Honestly our lifestyle experiences dwindled down for a while, but recently we’ve been back out and about, so I have lots to share, and promise to be more active.

Today I want to talk about one of everyone’s favorite treats in the lifestyle. That is the Unicorn. I know most people seek them out like their our hunting Pokemon these days but I wonder if there are others out there that feel the way we do. I like my unicorns in fairytales and bedtime stories, but not necessarily in my bedroom. Now before you single ladies go getting all offended, I have nothing against you. I love women, but do prefer men, however don’t get it twisted. I’ll devour a woman under the right circumstances faster than you can read this post, however, as a couple, we just prefer not to play with singles, male or female.

In the lifestyle, single males always get a bad wrap, and people tend to worship single ladies like the goddesses they are and while that is great, I’ve noticed many single women let this go to their head. I’m not hating on you ladies. I’m all for female empowerment, and honestly the lifestyle is one of the best examples of that across the board. But for us 4 is company, 3’s a crowd.

Sorry unicorns but in my experience you ladies can be pretty self-centered and seem to forget that you are a guest. Threesomes can be tricky to maneuver, but certainly not impossible. If any of the parties involved are selfishly expecting to be catered to, it can completely ruin the experience. When we engage in lifestyle experiences with others, our goal is for all parties involved to have a good time. We’ve noticed that sometimes singles have a different goal in mind. Some ladies are upset if they are not completely catered too by the other parties involved or want to get their rocks off and tap out with out regard to anyone else. There’s also the concern of a single you play with on a regular basis getting possessive. These types of situations tend to leave a bad impression and have contributed to our decision to steer clear of singles.

All of that being said, we do know that not all singles think this way or fall into these categories. My advice for anyone out there seeking the golden unicorn is to vet them the same way if not more strictly than you would a couple. Always put your relationship with your partner first and make sure everyone is comfortable before taking action. My advice for you lovely single ladies would be to have an in-depth conversation with the couple that’s courting you to ensure you’re all on the same page with corresponding goals.

Before we ever played with a unicorn we had already started leaning this direction, but after having a few experiences our decision is clear. It’s not necessarily a no forever or even a no for everyone, but my preference is definitely couples even if the play is separate. I’ll take a married women over a single one any day of the week.

39:Levels of Discretion

Having been in the lifestyle for several years, we have made a few friends that are swingers, who we interact with

outside of the lifestyle. This is usually a good thing because we like to have friends that we can talk to about

our encounters as well as everyday experiences. Friends that share the same interests and hobbies are especially

valuable to us; however we have recently run into an unexpected issue with friends that cross from the swinger

world into the vanilla one. The issue is discretion.

We have lately discovered that some people are not as discreet about their extracurricular activities as we are. I understand people being open about their relationship with their friends and family and have no problem with anyone telling others about what they do. My issue is with them telling others what I do. I personally find it a little awkward to show up at a family bbq just to be approached by a vanilla stranger who has knowledge of my after hours activities.

My point, for anyone that ends up in a similar situation, is to make sure you know where your lifestyle friends

stand on discretion as well as let them know how you feel about them spreading the word for you.

The fact that you are all open-minded should keep the situation from becoming uncomfortable.

Von

38:Swingers at vanilla spots

As much as we enjoy going to swinger events and prefer this type of partying over any other, at times we take pleasure in attending vanilla clubs and bars. It’s more of a people watching thing for us and of course we keep our wit depending on the situation. It can especially fun if we meet someone who thinks they are the biggest, freakiest person around but freezes in the lightest lifestyle situation. We’ve never picked up anyone at the bar but have heard of it being done. That means we’re not the only open minded couple at the bar. The shock value can be both dangerous and very fun; we do very well adjusting to the situations. I guess sometimes you have to mix things up.

roy

37:My pushy players

This past weekend I found myself at a lifestyle event that was both fun and entertaining in more ways than one. It was full of eye candy and welcoming people, both seasoned and green. We even went to the after party, which wasn’t in the original plan, and that’s when things began to get a little disturbing.
Although I am glad we decided to go to the after party, I wasn’t too happy about the couple with the overly pushy male. The man could not take a hint if his life depended on it, and when I finally pushed him out of my personal space, and said “I’m not interested”, he still kept coming at me. This brings up an important issue I want to touch on this week about couple interaction and body language. When interacting with other swingers, it is important and helpful to pay close attention to their body language. Because people don’t like rejection, they tend to also shy away from telling others no straight out. No one wants to embarrass or offend anyone by telling them they are not interested. If you are too blunt with people, they say you’re an asshole or a bitch or something even more colorful. This is why it is important to pay attention to the body language of the people you are talking too. That way you will possibly know, before they even tell you “NO”, that they are not interested and you won’t end up wasting your time trying to get to know them.

It’s also important to know your partner. Ladies, no matter how respectful your partner is, you need to realize that at some point, someone may think he’s a little pushy simply because he’s a man and he is in the lifestyle. If you’ve been drinking, “liquid courage” may become your enemy if you become too free spirited. Remember everyone in the lifestyle will not be on your level of experience or comfort. You don’t have to be up each other’s butt to know what is going on with your partner, but you should be aware of each other. In the lifestyle we all want to have fun and the best way to do that is to look out for each other in regard to both the good and the bad.

Von

36:NO! – Part 2 (receiving)

So we have touched a bit on saying NO! from Part 1 (COS#35) Now, the question is; can we all accept rejection? In the lifestyle we love to say YES and there are times we have to say NO, which can be easy for some but hard for others. Put yourself on the receiving end, say some nice person or couple have to rejected you because they’re not in the mood or prefer to pursue others on that occasion. This shouldn’t bother you a bit, a matter of fact you should be happy for them.

I’ve seen some people get very upset at the rejection and decide not to engage with that person again or if they met that person that night, dirty looks and cold shoulders are directed to that person. When in the swinger lifestyle rejection shouldn’t be taken as an insult but as one of the necessary acts that needs to be practiced by everyone. We are all consenting adults and we should have understanding to accept a NO with respect.

That person(s) may not be interested but would be very appreciative of your acceptance and might even change their mind. Are we not in the lifestyle to promote ‘good feelings’? 🙂 In the heat of play time acceptance should even be more applied. You really don’t want to be the cock block. They are in the middle of play and when no is used…NO means NO move on, understand. and let’s all be merry.

Roy

35:NO! – Part 1 (saying)

“No means No”! It’s a phrase that is used all the time at lifestyle events. Have we taken the time to sit down and see how easy it is? In some situations it can be difficult. In considering the term “No” we must keep in mind that there are two sides: saying and receiving. Let’s begin by talking about saying “No”.

Say you are one of those people that really doesn’t give a fuck. It should be easy for you to just say no to anyone in any situation at anytime. It’s easy to say no to someone if they are trying to touch you, ask to join, watch or if they are just not your type. Of course they should respectfully acknowledge and move on. How about the situation where you have played with them before, or where you are interested, but don’t want to say no, but would rather say ‘not right now’.

Some people will make up lies, to let down the other person easy. “I’m sick”, or “It’s her time of the month” etc. Why can’t we tell them the truth? Better yet, why is the truth so hard? It’s not like you won’t play with them ever again, just not now. You may not be in the mood for them. What if there is someone else “person(couple) B” at this event you are interested in and trying to get to know. But now you already just told person(couple) A that you cannot play because, you just don’t play at these kind of events [lie]. But person(couple) B is now ready to play and so are you, oops…now you can’t or don’t cause you don’t want to look like an ass.

Saying no should be very easy and you shouldn’t have to feel like you have to make up lies or hide from others that you just don’t want to play with right now, since next party you might be ready for their flavor of love, if they are accepting.

Roy

34:Reverse Swingers, Null Swingers

Reverse Swingers, Null Swingers

I would like to touch on a phenomenon that I find quite interesting and ask for the opinions of my fellow Swingerologists. I want to know how you all feel about what I like to call reverse or null swingers. Who am I talking about? I am talking about the people that attend swinger parties and/or events with absolutely no intention of ever participating in any activities or sometimes no intention of making friends. I`m not talking about newbies at their first or second event or people that rarely partake in activities. The people that I am talking about seem to come out to events simply to be seen.

They are `pretty people` who spend a significant amount of time on their physical appearance, for the show. The ladies are wearing the finest lingerie or themed costume they can buy and the gentlemen are showing off their washboard abs, but when approached by a couple or individual, they turn their nose up and are insulted that some lowly swinger would attempt to talk to them, even if the person that approached them are equally `pretty`. Now occasionally you may run into a couple of this caliber that at least enjoys the attention they get from others and will conversate, but in my experience these people keep to themselves and often look anxious and tense.

They fall in a category that is not swinger, since swapping is not on their agenda, and not quite vanilla… Or maybe? Now if you are a swinger (whether you are soft swap, full swap, or something in-between) who takes care of your body, then please don`t take offense. I am talking specifically about those people have no intention of ever participating in any lifestyle activity. So tell me, what do you think of these people? Have you noticed anyone that falls into this category at events or parties you have attended and if so, how to you feel about their presence at lifestyle gatherings?

33: The Art of Swinging Part 3

33: The Art of Swinging Part 3.
The connection

When we meet others, we based our personalities and interaction with them, to determine how good a connection we will have. I will touch on a few general basics that are common among first time connection. These are only a few ideas that we think newbies or green swingers should consider.

First we should get our mind focus on us and what we desire out of the lifestyle, if you are with a partner sit down and converse about likes and dislike before you go out to meet others. What is allowed for this night and how far you will potentially go if the mood is right or you do meet that perfect match. Write these down and get it in your head. Some swingers use safe words or gestures between each to get out of a situation or to get into, just depends. Your partner is your ‘wing man’ and you are the same for them, don’t leave them hanging. Be aware of where their comfort level. Since you want the experience to be one that you both enjoy weather that means you both are playing or just one. Make your rules for the night and stick to them to make sure things go the way you want. You are in charge even though you can still be spontaneous and flexible since your rules may change later or end up not having any in the future.

The first impression counts not only for them but for you. Dress the way you would like someone to dress if you are attracted to them. I mean, don’t go out in a T-shirt of holes smelling like shit and expect someone to come up and converse with you or continue too, if you started the conversation.

Now it depends on what kind of event you attend that will decide your attire. To simplify things, we will talk about meet and greets that has a potential to go further.
At this point your rules are set and so is your expectations; not tooo high though, keep in mind not to be surprise if you don’t find what you think would be out there.

Most have a big expectation for a golden unicorn, for that special threesome, since the lady half want to please her man and try new things while the man want to live out every man fantasy, to have 2 women at once. The best thing to do is to keep an open mind and try to converse with as many people that you encounter. Laugh, make jokes and get cozy in an environment that is unlike your daily life. From here you can see the possibilities and better judge in which direction you should take your newly discovered lifestyle.

Good Luck
Roy

32:The Art of Swinging Part 2.

Since part one,(Chronicles of Swingers #17) We have touch on many topics in the swinger lifestyle and of course gave our opinion as it relates to the art of swinging.

Our approach to the lifestyle, as noted before is ‘Knowledge is Power’. Here at swingerology.com we continue to provide knowledge to our members in hopes it can help them make informed decisions on their encounters. As you browse through swingerology.com and other lifestyle websites you will undoubtedly gain knowledge of swinging, whether you are a newbie just beginning research, or a seasoned veteran continuing to investigate and explore the lifestyle, which can be stratified into many different levels.

Swingerology is the study of what we do in the lifestyle; the study of swinging. By examining the lifestyle, and educating yourself, you can develop your own ‘art of swinging’ that fits into your busy lives. Swingerology offers many great tools for the curious mind such as: internal mail, chat,swinger friend updates, and many more comparable features that you will find in other social swinger communities on the net. Swingerology.com sets itself apart by providing as much learning material for those interested in the ART. Some examples are: Chronicles of Swingers Articles, like this one; Lifestyle letters; Blogs; events; Answers – Answers to your swinger questions, and INTO (which is a quick way to access all of swingerology top content). With interactive content we keep the swinger information fresh.

You may not use all these tools or other tools found, but we are sure you will find some to be very useful in helping you to gain expertise on the lifestyle and a good comprehension of what to commonly expect in your encounters. Once you are ready to jump into the action and have communicated thoroughly with your partner, about rules, if any you will be aware and ready for any challenges that may come up using the knowledge you’ve gained by educating yourself on the ever changing swinging lifestyle. And most importantly, you won’t be stuck like a fish out of water when an awkward situation comes up.

In part 3 we will talk about ‘the connection’ when we meet others.

To Be Continued.

Happy New Year 2011

31:With understanding cums pleasure

Recently I have spent time with some of my lifestyle friends. After a very in depth talk, it comes to my attention that even with every one being in the lifestyle. There are still many preferences that are much more common than people are aware of. For example, what about a guy that has no interest in the same sex? He is all about the ladies, however once in a while he likes the ladies to give it to him anally. Is he gay?

I wouldn’t say that. Is it gay for a woman to do anal? What’s good for the goose is good for the gander. The point is simply this. I feel that we are all in this lifestyle because we like things that are otherwise not accepted by the societal majority, or not “normal”. Keep that in mind about things that are even more alternative that what we are use to.

There are people out there that are interested in things, but reluctant to even research due to the fear of what others might think. If we would take the time to learn and understand, how much easier would it to be connect? Every one could feel more comfortable with themselves. Perhaps truly appreciate the variety of preferences available in this lifestyle. You never know, you may encounter a few preferences that you really like. With out taking the first brave steps of understanding you wouldn’t even know that these things ere available . Learning the correct terms is huge. If you think you may like to try something, look around. Chances are, not only does it already exist. But there is a name for it. From there you’ll start to get a deeper understanding on whether or not you want to proceed. By taking the time to learn about something you heard about, you may find that it’s not as offensive or scary as you originally thought. Better peace and happiness come through better understanding.