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Thread: I think I'm into BDSM, now where do I go from here?
 

 Sep 24, 2012 02:00:34 AM
SwingerThe Odd One Out
Posts: 592
Responses: 988
Location: N/A

I think I'm into BDSM, now where do I go from here?
Okay so lately I've been checking out BDSM, and no, I haven't nor do I ever intend on reading "50 Shades of Grey". Anyway, it's a huge turn on for me. I find it fascinating and I just like the thought of it altogether.There are a few things first though. I've never even had sex before. I don't believe in sex before marriage. It's a personal choice I made for myself because I don't want to get hurt like some other girls do when they sleep with a guy who they think is great then he breaks up with them. And it may not seem like it but it's just kind of easier to wait. Also, if sex is as addictive as people say it is, I kind of like knowing that I get to have it on a regular basis after I start.Another thing, not that I intend to start right now, I'm not eighteen for a few more months. Of course I want to wait until I'm of legal age, but I'd like to get some facts and pointers about it. I'd like to know how it really is and if people really do enjoy it. I'm not looking for anything hardcore, but I like the thought of being submissive.I know it's a strange situation, a virgin who doesn't want sex before marriage thinking she likes BDSM. I swear I hear how that sounds, and it's weird.It's going to throw a lot of you off.Also, if you have comments about my sex before marriage thing, just trust me when I say I've about heard it all before and you're wasting finger strength trying desperately to get me to see the error of my ways.I'm refraining from sex before marriage for me, no one else.Anyway, I'm just not sure where to go from here.My research said that the Dom wasn't just about pleasing himself, but also his submissive. I like the thought of being submissive but also being... taken care of. What more should I know about this?


 Sep 27, 2012 12:00:45 AM
Slimjack
Posts: 592
Responses: 988
Location: Denver Metro,CO

A good place to start might be fetlife.com. This is a free BDSM themed social networking site, and it has plenty of groups for different interests. They have several groups for new people, submissive people, young people, and more. I also know of a few clubs or groups locally.
Also, you could try to find a local munch, which is where people interested in BDSM meet in a vanilla setting to socialize. If you have any questions, feel free to ask.
-slimjack

 Sep 27, 2012 07:17:26 AM
Swingerology
Posts: 592
Responses: 988
Location: PHOENIX,AZ
Level: Admins

"

Originally Posted by: Slimjack
A good place to start might be fetlife.com. This is a free BDSM themed social networking site, and it has plenty of groups for different interests. They have several groups for new people, submissive people, young people, and more. I also know of a few clubs or groups locally.
Also, you could try to find a local munch, which is where people interested in BDSM meet in a vanilla setting to socialize. If you have any questions, feel free to ask.
-slimjack

"


I would assume at a local munch, there would be mostly vanillas? or is this an open setting for all experience levels that vanillas can also attend?

 Sep 27, 2012 10:42:52 AM
Slimjack
Posts: 592
Responses: 988
Location: Denver Metro,CO

A munch is usually an open setting for all experience levels and anyone interested can attend, even vanillas. Many munches are hosted monthly in set locations by one person or group.
If you search on fetlife.com for local events you might find a munch, and the event page for the munch will have a lot of key information, including who posted the event. Some munches also list on other sites, so an internet search for munches in your area might help.

 Sep 30, 2012 11:17:20 PM
Swingerology
Posts: 592
Responses: 988
Location: PHOENIX,AZ
Level: Admins

"

Originally Posted by: Slimjack
A munch is usually an open setting for all experience levels and anyone interested can attend, even vanillas. Many munches are hosted monthly in set locations by one person or group.
If you search on fetlife.com for local events you might find a munch, and the event page for the munch will have a lot of key information, including who posted the event. Some munches also list on other sites, so an internet search for munches in your area might help.

"


Thank you for your detailed response, I've added your definition to our terms and defs. I will take a look at fetlife as well thanks

 Jul 09, 2013 10:01:52 AM
Irishgorilla
Posts: 592
Responses: 988
Location: MESA,AZ

I've been around that lifestyle for a while. I've experienced both sides and seen quite a bit. Just to set your mind at ease, sex actually has little to do with true BDSM. Yes it is sexual and erotic, but there is rarely any sex going on. The munch suggestion is great, but there is also weekly coffee at two different locations. One is in Tempe, the other is on the west side. I completely agree that you should look into getting started on fetlife.com. The one piece of advice that I would give is to be very careful about the people that you get involved with. While most people are good people with good intentions. The type of play that goes on there, if done incorrectly, can be potentially very harmful. Before doing a scene with anyone, you should know them or at least have seen them perform a scene. Also be mindful of protocol. There are certain proprieties that need to be observed. If you just walk around doing whatever, you could break many rules without even knowing it. It's best to introduce yourself as a new person and ask them to bring any mistakes to your attention. If you meet someone, ask around. Reputation says a lot. If someone doesn't play safe, or they're disrespectful, it's easy to find out ahead of time before you get hurt. Other than that, have a great time. Any other questions, just ask.

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