A Short Story
"So you want to be a swinger?"I know you heard that phrase before, well, here is where we venture into our first post when we launched called "The Art of Swinging", hopefully we can provide some good pointers.I have tweaked the following paragraphs to articulate what I intended and to bring it a bit more up to date.
A little about us, like many people who tries to fix something that is broken, we entered into the lifestyle as a couple and saw an opportunity to add our mark and make things better.
When we started in the lifestyle, we knew nothing about nothing, not the who? the what? the where? nothing. We got lost in the vast discrete world. We encounter fakers and odd matches. We set forth a goal to take all we learned, mixed with our perspective of the lifestyle to create Swingerology.com: A site for swingers, new and seasoned where we can provide information to others interested.
Our primary goal is to filter out the fakers to try our best to keep real members in the portal. áOur membership used to be by invite only to help us keep quality not quantity, however we still maintain quality and approve every member, as we want everyone to get a chance at this lifestyle. We would rather have a comminity of couple real hundreds than a one of a thousand fakers.
You know what I'm talking about, you see it all the time. You go to a swinger website and there are stats of how many members joined, logged on, online, etc, which reflects some real information, however most of it seems fake, donÆt you think? I think this is done to force you to join an buy a membership over getting others to connect. After you do join you get frustrated, mailing prospective members and not getting any responses, not even a "we're not interested" áThat was then, now we have many of swinger open lifestyle websites that have popped up since, offering more of what you would expect.
Another one of our major goals is to keep this website as simple, user friendly as possible and provide as much swinger info we can create and share with hopes that you can learn. We continue to encourage all of our swingerologist to give us feedback. So as a result, we can make improvements the community will find useful.
So now we'll give you a few general pointers.
What is swinging?
Swinging is where two or more couples agree to get together for the express purpose of engaging in an intimate or sexual relationship with a partner or partners other than their own.
When did swinging begin?
The history of swinging began in the early 1950?s. During that time the only way to meet other swingers was through personal ads in the newspapers. Today individuals and couples who are interested in the swinging lifestyle can go to internet, clubs, or organization that specializes in this type of sexual expression.
A swinger lifestyle is free from a world of frustration and lost loves. The swingerÆs lifestyle simply gives and receive pleasure, but there are a few important points to remember if you are to enter a swinger lifestyle:
No one should swing unless they really want to. No one should ever go into a swinging lifestyle if they are at all uncertain of their own wishes or of the strength of their emotional relationship with their partner.
Swinger's life style is based upon communication more than any other factors. Couples involved in swingerÆs lifestyle should have the ability to talk openly about there feelings with one another. Learning to do this must precede any decision or discussion of entering the lifestyle.
Swinging can enhance a relationship and the commitment involved in the coupleÆs relationship. áBy requiring honesty and communication it emphasizes some of the most important qualities of a healthy relationship. Swinging requires a strong level of trust and security. For some people watching their partner be sexual with others and obviously aroused is very hot and arousing in and of itself. Many people make new friends through the lifestyle. It is a close nit community based on strongly shared beliefs and practices.
Beware that while it may seem like a good idea... a lot of times the fantasy makes for a very emotionally upsetting reality. Bottom line is that swinging is not for everyone. You may have a perfectly healthy monogamous relationship and simply enjoy keeping it just the two of you like most poeple do..
Soft swinging:áThis involves watching another couple during sexual relations. It may also include foreplay with other partners, sometimes including oral sex, but no vaginal penetration will takes places. Soft swinging can add spice to a coupleÆs relationship and allowing them to have fun without the risk of jealously. Many couples start off with soft swinging as this is a good way to explore a swinger's lifestyle.
Closed swinging:áThis is where partner swap, but have sexual intercourse in separate rooms. Closed swinging allows couples and individual for a more intimate experience. Many people feel this allows them more freedom to explore with fewer interruptions of their enjoyment.
Open swinging:áThis kind of swinging allows partners to swap and have sexual intercourse in the same room, or bed. This includes orgies and it is great for exhibitionist and voyeurs, who can show off or just enjoy watching their partner play. Many swingers find open swinging allows for total release of their sexual desires and fantasies. An open swinging is successful when all members in the group demonstrate no jealousy.
When you enter a swinger lifestyle you must be very health conscious. Always practice safe sex and make sure you and your partner are disease free. Many swingers would say they practice safe sex, but they probably donÆt. So some kinds of health risks always exist. It is up to you to make your own judgment. More and more people are getting into swinger lifestyle as this give couples and individuals a break for the senseless tension and demanding stress in their daily life. Refreshing sex is the best antidote to relieve stress. A swinger lifestyle teaches you to give and take pleasure like the way you have never experience before. Online swinger clubs & websites helps you to get in touch and later get in bed with people who are from different regions, locales or even nations. It makes you aware of a whole new culture and the many different ways to make love. When you experience a swingerÆs lifestyle you would enjoy the power of a touch, the romance of a kiss, the meaning of fondles and the excitement of a caress.
A few Do's and Don't:
- NO means absolutely NO
- Pushy People are a big turn off
- If single men out number the crowd, BIG turn off
- Never assume anything, always ask and treat others with respect, meaning be polite
- Never attempt to break up a marriage
- Always keep dates unless you give ample notice of changing circumstances
- Always keep the first meeting on a "no strings attached" basis, but be prepared to swing if it is mutually agreeable or to give an honest answer if something doesn't click
- Never, under any circumstances exert pressure on a partner to swing
- Restrict discussions of swinging to known swingers and interested persons seeking information
- Protect the anonymity of other swingers by refraining from unauthorized "name dropping."
- Always maintain the highest standards of personal cleanliness and appearance
- Do not engage in any unlawful activity that would discredit swingers as a group
- Be friendly and warm with your swing partners, but understand that there is a type of emotional involvement, which is properly reserved for a spouse or "primary significant other."
- Always show respect for the personal attitudes, feelings and "hang-ups" of other swingers.
Some subjective scientific research into swinging has been conducted in the United States since the late 1960s. One study, based on an Internet questionnaire addressed to visitors of lifestyle-related sites, found swingers are happier in their relationships as compared to the norm.
60% of swingers said that swinging improved their relationship; 1.7% said swinging made their relationship less happy. Approximately 50% of those who rated their relationship "very happy" before becoming swingers maintained their relationship had become even happier. 90% of those with less happy relationships said swinging improved them. Almost 70% of swingers claimed to have no problem with controlling jealousy; approximately 25% admitted "I have difficulty controlling jealousy when swinging" as "somewhat true", while 6% said this was "yes, very much" true. Swingers rate themselves happier ("very happy": 59% of swingers compared to 32% of non-swingers) and their lives more "exciting" (76% of swingers compared to 54% of non-swingers) than non-swingers, by significantly large margins.
There was no significant difference between the responses of men and women, although more males (70%) than females completed the survey.
This study, while enlightening, is of limited accuracy of the swinging population as a whole, due to its self-selected sampling technique. Internet-based sampling procedures create a substantial potential for bias. For instance, swinging couples who had stronger relationships may have been more motivated to complete the questionnaire. Alternatively, one may infer that because swinging may cause stress on a marriage, only those with higher than average levels of commitment to their partners are able to remain married while swinging. Couples who have jealousy or strife issues caused by swinging will not usually stay in the swinging lifestyle, and therefore would have been less likely to respond to the survey.
ABC News reporter John Stossel produced an investigative report into the lifestyle. Stossel reported that over 4 million people are swingers, according to estimates by the Kinsey Institute and other researchers. He also cited Terry Gould's research, in which Gould concluded that "couples swing in order to?not?cheat on their partners." When Stossel asked swinging couples whether they worry that their spouse will "find they like someone else better", one male interviewee replied, "People in the swinging community swing for a reason. They don't swing to go out and find a new wife;" while a woman interviewee asserted, "It makes women more confident -- that they are the ones in charge." Stossel interviewed twelve marriage counselors about the lifestyle. According to Stossel, "not one of them said don't do it", though some also said "getting sexual thrills outside of marriage can threaten a marriage". Nevertheless, the swingers whom Stossel interviewed claimed that "their marriages are stronger because they don't have affairs and they don't lie to each other."?- wikipedia
NASCA (North American Swing Clubs Association) defines Swinging as, "social and sexual intercourse with someone other than your mate, boyfriend or girlfriend, excepting the traditional one-on-one dating.
Swinging? is not the same as swapping, because lots of swingers (men and women) are still single, so no need to swap. A good definition might perhaps be "recreational sex". In summary, swinging is for (mostly) heterosexual people who enjoy sex for its own sake, as opposed to purely within one relationship. Sex as a hobby.
Some people said that swinging lifestyle started in United Kingdom ( UK ) and later starting to gain acceptance by the rest of the world. Well, I am not really sure how it get started but it is not easy to involved in swinging lifestyle. A few important things: first, no one should swing unless they really want to. No one should ever go into it if they are at all uncertain of their own wishes, or of the strength of their emotional relationship with their partner. Swinging can (and often does) strengthen couples' attachment to one another. But equally, it can and does wreck relationships too. If you can't discuss it openly between yourselves or if one partner keeps bringing it up you almost certainly shouldn't go there.
Swingers lifestyle is based upon communication more than any other factor. Swinging couples have an ability to talk openly about there feelings with one another and learning to do that must precede any decision or discussion of entering the lifestyle.
A good way to start the process with a spouse is to talk about sexual fantasies, particularly those sexual fantasies that involve other people. Once you have established that your fantasies can be more of a source of excitement than a threat, it is much easier to begin talking in terms of bringing those fantasies into the real world.
No matter how you start the communication, it is not generally a good idea to simply blurt out, "Hey, do you want to swing?". Most people who have been in a long term monogamous marriage are going to be taken aback by that approach, and failure is almost assured. It is best to establish the idea over a period of time rather than try to rush.
You can't "swing" without your spouse's knowledge and consent. That isn't swinging. You would be having an affair. Swinging requires two consenting adults who are open to the idea of participating in the lifestyle together. Most swinging couples are not going to have anything to do with someone who is sneaking around on a spouse. Swingers as a group are very proud of the fact that they are open and honest about their sexuality. Cheating is considered to be the antithesis of everything that the swinging lifestyle is about and besides, the swinging community is already assailed by literally millions of solo males looking to get laid.
Your best bet is to work on the communication in your marriage and try talking about the swingers lifestyle some more. Swingers as a group are very proud of the fact that they are open and honest about their sexuality. Cheating is considered to be the antithesis of everything that the swingers lifestyle is about.
Remember, that swinging isn't for every couple. If you can't agree on it, maybe it is not for you.
It is generally not a good idea to swing with friends, unless you met them through swinging: even then, many swingers have a "one-hit" rule, so emotional complications/attractions can't arise.
When you do meet someone you think you might like, be frank about what you like or don't like, and demand the same from the person or people you meet. If you don't like them for any reason, just politely turn them down. If YOU get turned down, don't be offended.. You will be just what someone, somewhere, is looking for. This is ALL about people's right to do absolutely what they like, and nothing they don't like.
Lastly, swingers must be very healthy conscious. Always practice safe sex and make sure you are disease free. Most swingers say they always practice it, but in reality, most probably don't. So there is always some kind of health risk, however careful you are (condoms are no protection against crabs, for instance). It is for you to make your own judgement. But no-one will ever complain if you choose to be super-careful. And it is a fact that sexually-transmitted diseases are far more common among teenagers than among swingers.