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New York TimesJeremy Shamos, a Nice Guy Who Likes Playing the JerkNew York TimesOver a late dinner at Joe Allen, Mr. Shamos, who suggested that he probably would also feel quite awkward at a swingers party, defended Chris. He's not a bad guy, he said. He's a guy you hang out with, a guy you might be at the theater with. Well ...and more »

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I am calling pt four the pursuit of happiness for one basic reason.. If you are thinking of this lifestyle, and Are looking for friends to fool around with, then on some level, you are really HOPING to find some form of HAPPINESS, right?

How we find people to play with, and how we ATTRACT them, is often as easy or as difficult as you wish to make it.

Let me gear this directly to the ladies, who are just getting started.. In whatever capacity, single or as one half of a couple.

Some folks out there are waiting until they find ďjust the right couple/personĒ to dip their toes into this lifestyle.

Nothing wrong with that thought, HOWEVER, remember its easy to disqualify someone when they donít match your perfection expectations. Remember the FUN everyone had when they were DATING.. Looking for that one person to spend the rest of their lives with?

The lifestyle, isnít like that, while yes, there are people that DO that, they are often disappointed. The reason is simple, instead of trying to match one to one, you are trying to now match 4 people.. Perfection is a bitch to find with the number of personal preferences involved in that dynamic.

Or, if you care to think in these terms, When you were dating, the women were all looking for MR RIGHT, right? Well in this lifestyle its often a case of settling for MR RIGHT NOW..

Does that mean you have to lower your standards?


Does that mean you have to ďtake what you getĒ


What it means is, when you are looking for a reason to say no, you will probably find one..

So, what does this mean.. It means that looking for the identical twin to Antonio, or George, or Brad MIGHT happen, but in the mean time, Like the guy at the deli or the butcher shopÖ

What else would ya like lady?

Let me let you in on a unspoken truth.. When a couple gets involved in this lifestyle, itís the women that hold ALL the POWER.. If they veto a person, or a couple, then no matter how much HE may beg, its still NO

And while we are on this subject, echoing back to the idea put forth in the first blog.. Never do ANYTHING with anyone you do not wish to.. Or as we have discussed on a number of threads on these boards.. Never take one for the team.. If getting with a couple that HE wants to get with, means you have to take one for the team with Her Creature.. Say no and Instead take him home and TALK IT THRU.. Explain that, if the shoe was on the other foot, he would have a better understanding.

Now then, part of finding people to play with means being appealing yourselves.. That can and usually does take a few different meanings..

Nothing is more of a buzz kill than communicating with a person, a NEWBIE to the lifestyle, and having that person not know what exactly they are seeking.. Take a look at any of the larger internet sites, and you come across dozens of profiles that are nearly completely BLANK..

Fill in details, about yourselves, talk about what turns you on, or what you think will.. Be honest about your experience and be honest about what EXACTLY you look like..

Go one step better, Its 2008, and nearly everyone has a digital camera, why? Because, we all saw that little bit of technology and said WOOO HOO, no more worries about dropping the film at the drug store.. All those kinky little pictures we always WANTED to take, we could.. Its never been easier than RIGHT NOW to snap a sexy picture of your significant other, wearing little more than a SMILE..

But more importantly, its even easier to snap a simple g rated pic or two.. Nothing says you HAVE to post racy or provocative pictures, but, you certainly can..

Which leads us to another topic.. Your preferences versus someone elseís .. Now, again I am talking directly to the ladies out there..

Part of the reason I can speak to you today is, because I MADE half the mistakes that I am trying to warn you about..

You really need to have a talk about what you want before you post your first profile.. And continue to do so..

Every guy, for the most part thinks, one way.. Bigger is always better.. Ladies, if this isnít the case or if you arenít sure either way.. BE MORE INVOLVED.. Or else you might find yourself in a position where, you spend the evening, with a guy with a ONE EYED MONSTER.. Literally a cock that is way too big.. LENGTH or WIDTH.. Browse any of the sites, and you run across plenty of guy pictures, some that compare them selves.. With a dollar bill.. A soda can, or one guy had his wearing his wrist watch..

In our case, I learned rather quickly that, while the FANTASY may be, and the PORN MOVIES DO, show women cumming like mad with a cock of 8 inches or more, the reality is.. In my wifeís case.. Anything over 7 inches hurts like hell..

As with any other part of society we follow trends, some are more prevalent than others..

Want a great example? Way back in the late 70ís and early 80ís, it was a kinky thing to find a woman that shaved down below.. Most women went NATURAL.. Now itís a common occurrence. In fact, we have encountered folks that WON'T play with a woman ( Or at least they say they wonít) If she isnít closely trimmed or shaved down there..

It all boils down to personal preferences. Just like searching for the people to fulfill your dreams and desires.. Finding the body parts that appeal matter too.

There are so many schools of thought out there, and no one choice is wrong..

Lets suppose you have crafted a profile, get a few letters and during this WHOLE process, you have never said, nor have they asked what your experience level is.. This is a disaster in the making..


Some people, decide from the very beginning, as in before they leave the HOUSE, that they are out for a night of pleasure, and still others take a few ďdatesĒ before they are comfortable getting intimate..

Some people, can head out to a club, get a locker and spend the evening, fulfilling their desires without a clue of the other persons name.. first or last!

Still others are out there, who are looking for something close to that, and get highly upset if they arenít naked the first date..

Then there are those involved in this lifestyle who are looking for people, that connect on more than one level..

Or want to be sure that the people they have choosen, are the right ones, and are willing to take thier time, and allow you to take yours..

Any one with ANY experience within this lifestyle knows where you are, and if you tell them you are just getting started, SHOULD allow you the time to be comfortable and ready for your first experience.

How fast or slow we proceed, This is a choice we all make. Sometimes we start with things one way and as you get more comfortable in the lifestyle , or you get more brave, or relaxed. You change up.. There is nothing wrong with this so long as those you make that choice, and those you CHOOSE to play with agree.

Now, the last topic, we need to discuss, is, the last part of your personal preferences..

A question that gets asked at the speed of light when starting initial communications.. Some ask it in the first letter they write, other in the reply..

What are you into?

Simple question right? Not really.. Everyone, regardless of experience, has something they DON'T like, and something they LOVE..

How about we cover a few simple termzÖ

French.. Simple right? Oral copulation.. Your mouth or theirs.. Here or there, or everywhere.. Nothing wrong with finding a lovely tongue wandering thru the naughty bits..

But where do you draw the line? Suppose you are ok with giving a man oral sex.. BE CLEAR, where you STOP, and WHERE he can cum..

And by the same token, if you expect like the old song goes..

You gotta lick it before you stick itÖ be clear..

How about some stereotypical Chinese..


Greek.. Again simple right? Either you are ready for the question of the ole dirt road or you arenít

If you arent, state it simply and put it right out front.. Put it right on your profile when you post it..

How about a few harder ones..

Bi - simple right, bisexual..

Bi Curious - again not all that hard to figure out right? But, it might be an idea to find out exactly they are curious about, and if they have done it before.. We know a woman, who, loves to get between a womans legs and go to town.. But hasnít changed her preference because, while she has enjoyed what she has done thus far, hasnít made up her mind..

Bi Comfortable - again, not all that hard to figure out.. But to what degree are they comfortable.. Are they ok with say getting a bit of hot tongue but wont reciprocate.. Or is it the opposite, are completely comfortable with orally pleasing but not with allowing it to be done to them..

And, ready for the real head turner.. Its not just women that are out there, that fall within these categories. There are plenty of men out there that are the same, curious about it, and unsure where they stand on it, because of what the CULTURE tells them to think..

Another stigma, another head trip, whatever you wanna call it.

To some it matters, to others.. It doesnít... Often what forms of play, people are looking for, can be just as much of an issue as any other thing.. Since the 80ís Male Bi Sexuality has been taboo. Fear of the Horror of the late 20th century propagated it.

Its completely normal to fear what you donít understand, or know about. And moreover its completely acceptable to make that personal choice in one direction or another..

Bisexuality in general is a hot and cold issue. Men involved in this lifestyle, almost expect the female half of any couple to be just as at home between a womanís legs as a mans.. This isnít always the case. If you browse the board, there are all sorts of questions regarding it.

B&D .. No not our names.. Bondage and Domination.. Some folks, like to be tied up and tickles to tears, or the opposite, smacked, spanked, whatever you wanna call it.. To get their jollies..

S&M .. Sadism and Masochism - Old Joke.. A slave is tied up, and begging.. ďWould You hurt me?Ē
The master is standing over that person, and says.. ďNOĒ A simple case where a word hurts more..
But seriously, if this isnít your cup o tea, MAKE IT CLEAR..
Plenty of more termz are out there, and I will cover most of them, in another chapter.. coming up

So lets bring this rant to a close by simply saying..

The fantasies you have had, are a great starting point for figuring out what you might start searching for. From that point, it because a matter of finding those you find appealing.

Then you go from finding them appealing to finding out about them, and then making the next decision where this all might be headed..

And finally, the ultimate personal preference.. Do you or donít you.. Will you or Wonít you..

General Swinger Forum Post


Any chance to see the people who voted for our pics? Seems people are a bit shy to email that they like the pics but I would be happy to email a thank you for the 5 star votes!!

Popular Photos


One on One: One female one male or whatever combination you like.

Hugs: Anyone can hug :)

Kisses: Anyone can kiss ;)

Head: Simply fellatio or cunnilingus.

Full Swap: One couple and another couple

Soft Swap: Lots of hugging, kissing maybe some Head between 2 couples

Threesome: A combination of everything above that involves 3 individuals.

Orgy or Group: Everyone going crazy like some parties.

Questions and Answers


How am I supposed to concentrate with my wife watching me while I am with another woman?

Speaking as her husband....It was like I could feel her eyes watching me. I could see the look that was on her face without even turning around so when I looked down at our "partner" all I could see was the look on my wifes face even though I was very attracted to the "partner". How do I find that comfort zone?

Speaking as his wife.... I did not have a problem with watching him because I wanted to see if he would have the same passion with her as he does with I, needless to say she was his pick. I was actually turned on but it was hard because he was not as into it as I thought he would be because he was so worried about how I felt or how I would react when that was something that we both wanted. I am some what bi-curious and not so interested in another man but have not ruled that out all the way. I am just sure that for it to have been my first experience that I did accomplish what I had set out to but wished it had been all that I thought it would be. How do you know when it is over rated or not so over rated? I am sure that we are still interesed in a woman and not sure how far that would go but surely I am awaiting the right experience so I can get the FULL EFFECT!