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Thread: My girlfriend was a swinger, should this bother me?
 

 Mar 09, 2011 11:02:46 AM
Asked2Swingers
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My girlfriend was a swinger, should this bother me?
I love my girl and she means the world to me... We live together and she has been very open with me in regards to her past swinger lifestyle with her ex boyfriend. Have been with her for just over a year now. Here's the problem. I try to not dwell upon her having been in my opinion treated like a sex slave by her ex boyfriend who she would swing with and not to mention that he would find men to come to their house and have sex with her as he watched. I cant hold her past against her and tell myself that her past experiences are why she is magnificent when we make love. Her past is her past and made her to be the woman that I fell in love with. However, just about every other weekend she has to meet her ex to drop off and pick up her two kids for visitation. I cant help but wonder and at times even become enraged thinking to myself what she may be up too during this pick up/drop off. It makes me wonder if she will be faithful to me having been in the swinger game. She assures me that I am the only one for her and that her past is her past. Even wants me to drive with her for the pick up/drop off but I refuse because I doubt I will be able to control myself if I ever get the opportunity to meet her ex face to face due to the way he treated her. Anyone else ever have this problem?


 Mar 09, 2011 11:12:53 AM
SwingerGuest_
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I think that is bad for business and relationships. If I found out someone was a swinger, i would run. That screams mental health problems! I would never ever allow myself to be with someone like that. Come on. We are in the year 2010. WOmen have more say in what the hell they allow done to their bodies and mind. IF you doubt and question it, it is wrong. Get her mental health or get yourself out quick. Get out, dont mess with people with kids. Okay, so in your case. Go with her to pick up the kids, it will be closure for you maybe. It will make you feel better. I would say if she didn't offer for you to go along and pick up her kids, then i would say watch it, but she does, but then again she may know you are not going to go with her so she is deceitful in asking you. if not, get out. I had a friend who was a swinger with her husband and i think it is very disturbing. Swinging just aint right.

 Mar 09, 2011 02:42:03 AM
SwingerGuest_
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I know a few couples where one member was a past swinger. There are a number of things that you could do. First, if you don't already know, ask your girlfriend was she swinging voluntarily or did her ex-boyfriend force her to? If it was voluntary, if she wanted to swing then you can't blame her ex. I know it may seem like he used her as a sex slave, but you have to realize that many women openly choose to take that role. Women having sex with other men, while their partner watches is a huge aspect of open "sexual" relationships. As long as he didn't force her, there is no blame.

Second and most importantly: Do you trust your girlfriend? Forget her ex, forget her past, do you trust her right now in your relationship? Do you believe her when she says she only wants to be with you? If you do trust her, you should stop worrying. You cannot trust and worry about her decisions at the same time. One cancels out the other. If you don't fully trust her, then you and her need to communicate and work that out first.

I'm reading some of the other answers on here and I realize that people have a huge misconception about swinging. I can tell that none of them really know anything about the swinging lifestyle. Most statements and thoughts about swinging are recycled misconceptions that are taken from society (advice you heard while growing up, opinions of peers and/or the media) that are based on faulty research & statistics. I see people referring to name calling (slut, whore, etc) which is a sign of ignorance, that is why name calling is prevalent in children because they don't understand many things. You may have misconceptions yourself, and that is why you are so mad at her ex (this is an assumption based on your question & explanation. You may have other reasons for hating him). As for swinging: just because you are in a relationship does not mean that you no longer find other people attractive. If you are committed, you choose not to act on your attractions. Monogamy and swinging are choices. Its like dieting. You may choose not to eat desserts or indulge in certain foods, it does not mean that they are nasty. There are a very large number of swingers in America (seriously, look up swinger websites like Swinglifestyle.com, swappernet, adultfriendfinder.com etc). Those that do it properly, have open communication, they are honest with each other, they set ground rules, and most importantly they respect each others wishes. I find that swingers practice safe sex more than others having sex because they are not ashamed or embarrassed about their partners finding out. They know what each other are doing so they don't have to hide doctor check-ups, std testing or condoms. Many people say swinging is wrong or immoral. Ok, thats there OPINION. There was a time when people felt a husband and wife sharing a bed was immoral. Some people felt married sex was for child conception only, pleasure sex was heathenism. Some people feel non-married sex is immoral. Some people feel women having equal pay as men is wrong. The beautiful and sad thing about America is that everyone has an opinion, whatever it may be..

 Mar 09, 2011 03:38:49 AM
SwingerGuest_☠ Bunky ☠
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Priapus really hit the nail on the head. I have to support most of what he says as I am a swinger and completely agree with all things he has said. When you mention her being treated as a "sex slave" are you meaning she didn't want to swing? In general couples swing because they both choose too not because one forces the other. Some men like to watch their wives and some women like to watch there men it is just personal preference. One thing that pops into my mind which is just an opinion is, do you think its possible she is downplaying her like of swinging and putting the blame on her ex so you don't think of her as a slut? You have seen people reactions to this question and all of us who have been in the swinging lifestyle have heard the same lame remarks over and over. Most of the people who make rude comments ex slut, whore or the std comment have no clue about how the lifestyle works and no clue what the situation is like. Just because your girlfriend is an ex swinger it does not make her a slut. And questioning her faithfulness based on her having been in the swinger game is a valid question but, that has nothing to do with her faithfulness. If she cheated on her ex then I would worry. When swinging couples have rules and every couple is different. We play together and have no reason to go behind one eachothers backs. Your girl loves you or she wouldnt have told you. Do a little research on the lifestyle before you pass judgment. Its not as cut and dry as you make think it is. I wish you luck hun! If you have any questions or need anything feel free to email me. Knowlegde is power =)

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