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Thread: Should we pursue a swinger lifestyle? and how?
 

 Oct 12, 2011 11:29:58 AM
SwingerMatthew
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Should we pursue a swinger lifestyle? and how?
My wife and I have spoken about wanted to branch out in our relationship. We have been together for almost 8 years and married for almost 3. We have talked about wanted to do this in the past, so it's not like something has just sparked this change. She has clearly stated that she, very easily, separates love (emotion) and sex. I know when she was younger (teens) she and her friends would have naked parties, where nothing would happen, but they would just all be nude. This all seems to be a exhibitionist / voyeur vein. I personally think it would be awesome. I think I would like the opportunity to branch out to other women and new experiences.

My hesitation on everything seems to be the fact that she isn't your typical horny, "has to have it" type of of girl. She is kinky sometimes, if she is in the mood. It's really hard to gauge sometimes. I feel like people in this lifestyle have a tendency to have a higher than normal sex drive. I would say I do, which I have to 'handle' from time to time, but she really doesn't seem to. I really don't know what normal is, but I would say I would be happy with it once daily (always could have more), but she seems to be twice a week, or three if I am persuasive. 95% of the time I am the one to initiate, she rarely does.

She wants to have a couple that we can hang out with like any other normal couple that share interests, and have a little more fun with from time to time. I would be really open to this, but her lack of normal need seems to throw me off.

While everyday opinions are welcome, I would really like to hear from those in the 'lifestyle'. What they think of my predicament, if women in the lifestyle are typically more 'driven' and what would be the best first steps to dipping ones toes into the swinging life?


 Oct 12, 2011 12:52:08 PM
SwingerGuest_Gary
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Sounds like your question should be more appropriate in the heterosexual postings unless your wife is interested in both of you having a woman in bed.

You write like the two of you are thinking of swapping with another heterosexual couple, not just adding one person in bed with both of you, which you might discuss with your wife. If she thinks she might enjoy another woman more than a man, it could work out quite well for you to just form a triangle. But beware. Your wife might be lesbian or bisexual and not really know it yet. It would account for a lot of things. Bringing a woman into your bed would either satisfy a bisexual urge she has, or enlighten her that she loves you but is sexually attracted to women instead of men....including you. That happens everyday.

Also, you mention she isn't the jealous type. How about you? How will you feel the day after. What if she has "no problem" with you having slept with another woman, but you start to feel upset that your wife enjoys sex with another man....much more than with you? Yeah, it's a two sided coin. Can you deal with the idea of another man doing the things to your wife that you do? And maybe better?

That is an issue I can talk about as a gay guy. My partner and I have been together for over 30 years. The sex between us is really great....when we have it. We just can't seem to sync our lives so that we are both home and both want sex at the same time. I have no problem with my partner going out and having sex with another guy. In fact, the idea of it, and the time or two I have walked in on him, actually turned me on and I wanted to join in. He lost his "mood" really quickly. I easily separate sex and love. But, even though he is far more sexually active than I am, and we have made rules, and he knows I have the same freedom to have sex, he struggles with jealousy at the idea of me having sex with another man. So ask yourself, would you get jealous? It's one thing to have sex outside of a relationship yourself....but what if you know your wife is in the next room doing the same thing?

 Oct 13, 2011 08:56:45 AM
SwingerGuest_Roger
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I am in the cuckolding lifestyle, which is similar to the swinger lifestyle, as I'm sure you know. You mentioned your wife is kinky. One thing that has helped me even out the difference in sex drives is a male chastity device. She can lock you up and keep you that way until she feels like letting you out. Often times, when a woman feels in control of the situation, she is more turned on and sexually aggressive. Of course, if you go this route there's a good chance you'll end up orgasmless for months at a time. If she gets a taste for cuckolding then you'll end up tied up in the next room listening to the sounds of your wife making love to her new lover.

 Oct 14, 2011 07:51:21 AM
SwingerGuest_Lynn
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Check out Hedonism in Jamaica. There are a lot of people there that would help you experiment. Then you can come home and either pursue it or forget about it.

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