Please give us your feedback so that we can make the community much better for you

Swinger Forum Swinger Information Wiki Articles  Thread:Getting Started pt 3 Talking it out

  PAGE 1 (1) :1 
Thread: Getting Started pt 3 Talking it out

 Jul 09, 2009 06:42:04 PM
Posts: 592
Responses: 988
Location: SATSUMA,FL

Getting Started pt 3 Talking it out

Talk it out..

What exactly does that mean, Well if you have read part 1and 1a, about fantasies, you know that just having such a vivid imagination isn’t the only thing you need.

At some point you need to express these desires to your SO(significant other) In this Blog entry, I will try to give some ideas and suggestions on how to approach this most daunting of tasks..


Now this should be easy for any couple considering the lifestyle, because, in reality, unless you already have great communication skills, you really shouldn’t be consider this lifestyle.

But, lets suppose for a minute of two that, your shy about how to talk to the person, who lovingly, shares your bed, about your desires.. If this lifestyle has the draw on you, enough for you to have found your way here, and moreover to this blog, then being shy about what you want shouldn’t impede your progress.

Suppose we use the example in the fantasy part 1a, Remember Terri?

Terri had been bouncing around the internet, for sometime and like everyone learning the internet, She found her way to a site, that she accidentally clicked on. It contained real life stories and experiences of people, Men and Women.. Before she knew it she was getting turned on at the idea of being the center of attention of 7 horny guys. It had been a secret fantasy she held for years, and reading the story, brought it all back, in a hurry. The Problem was her husband Mike, was brought up in a religious home, and while sex was great, never lacking in anyway, the story got thoughts bouncing thru her mind, and body. ..

Lets stop right there.. And examine the scenario, Terri a healthy woman, married, stumbled her way onto a site that she never would have been on, on purpose.. The fantasy she had kept secret for years, re awoke..

Lets continue..

Later that night, She practically attacked him, and when he pressed her to what brought this on, she told him a story she had read online.. Before long he had drug all the details of the story out of her, and could see how it excited her.. And gave him the courage to admit to her that, the thought of seeing his lovely wife, surrounded by hard cocks, 2, 3, or 10, all seeking her intimate places turned him on immensely .. That night he and she shared the story was one of the best sex sessions, and orgasms for both of them in a long time..

Ok.. Here is what we call the Y'see Timmy moment, sort of like directly from the old TV shows..

Terri, who got turned on, and then after being pressed by her husband, who saw this was out of character for her, And while grateful for the changes needed to know why.. When she was finally HONEST with him about everything, the story, and finally how it had been a fantasy of hers.. He opened up and started confessing his desires to her.. And was rewarded with some of the best sex they had shared..

And more importantly, it started a whole new chapter in their lives, as they shared more about what they liked in and out of the bedroom. And given the fact that now Mike had a better understanding of his wife, started surfing sites that they had never been to.. A few lifestyle sites..

So, Is a revelation like this what you can expect, maybe, but in all honestly, proably not.. That story is the best you can hope for.. A WOMAN interested, and the man needing to be talked into it..

Now then, I can offer suggestions, and if followed might make it easier..

Again this is supposing that you have read part 1 and 1a..

Which covers fantasies and what to do with them, which is all about talking, and sharing yours , and theirs .. But at some point, AFTER that sharing has gone on, comes a time to talk without a bed..

The first step is to choose your weapon.. Meaning, after having been given all that ammo, you need to pick a fantasy to chase.. Preferably one you and your mate share.. Again looking back to part 1, You know we talked about the whole, 1 guy 2 women, while sure, maybe your wife harbors a bi fantasy, there is one part of this reality that you need to understand, unless you already KNOW a woman that is willing, finding one can be difficult.

More likely, there has been one fantasy or maybe two that you both find erotic and a turn on. Focus on one, what is required to make that happen? Suppose we go the other direction, and the idea of sharing your wife with another man, while you both pleasure her, is acceptable. If you choose that direction, it requires less hunting as it does for a single woman, but, can have a few pitfalls.

Remember the lifestyle is not about emotions, its about having fun. Recreational sex, like this, is all about being in the moment. If you are the husband/boyfriend , you need to be able to deal with the emotional part, of seeing your wife/girlfriend being pleasured, having sex, and hopefully great sex, with another guy, without getting jealous about it. The emotion always rears its ugly head, but, if you can remember the key parts, that is just sex for the sake of sex, or for the sake of fun.. And that, really, at the end of the night, she is still coming home with you..

Lets get back to the current theme we will discuss the emotional components in another chapter..

Now then, Best suggestion, take the other person out on a date, like you did when you were actually dating, go to a romantic dinner, do something afterwards.. And bring it up casually.. Ideally, you want to offer the idea of their fantasy.. And you need to ask how they would feel about really doing it..

Now, expect to get refused ..

The thing is, after the fantasy sharing, and the now enticement that, they can actually HAVE this.. You have been planting a powerful seed.. So, like I said, expect to be reused flat out.. But, expect a few questions..

Be ready to answer them.. How? .. Simple we find someone, that is into this too ( Do Not Offer ANYONE, that you both already KNOW, this can lead to too many issues)… Where? We can figure that out.. If pressed, say we can get a hotel room, in the next town/city over.. And the big one, Why? Because, I love you, and seeing you happy, would make me happy, and we can share this together..

Now for the important KEYS.. If they are asking, and then stop, you stop, do not press.. Allow them to digest.. If they say No.. let it drop and go back to working the fantasies.. Chances are, it wont be too difficult later that evening.. And finally.. Remain calm and cool about it.. If things become tense, just say forget it, and lets enjoy our night..

Because you have put it out there, the idea is going to get thrashed thru HER mind.. And hopefully, it wont be too long before its brought back up..

Now the next chapter deals with a big thing as well.. Personal Issues, or Self esteem..

So, lets sum up..

Talking about your desires can be a bitch, but until you actually do it, you really wont know where the other person is coming from.. For all you, know, they are ready willing and ABLE.. Just that you havent expressed yourself.

  PAGE 1 (1) :1