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Thread: Some help from polyamorous people or swingers?
 

 Nov 02, 2010 06:34:09 AM
Asked2Swingers
Posts: 592
Responses: 988
Location: N/A

Some help from polyamorous people or swingers?
Throwing a ton of info right at you!
all right. I feel like I am myself so immature to ask this random strangers but I am just at some point where I have to make a decision.
My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 2 years, from the beginning on he told me that he does not believe in monogamy and that if he is with me he still would like to have Sex with other women. Now at that time I was completely ok with that, I have had relationships before where I thought of, and really wanted to have sex ith other men. So well... I said it's fine and I don't care. In the ongoing of our relationship he continued to tell me this every time he got drunk, because well... I guess the filter was out.
He told me about this girl that he has had nothing but a sexual relationship with in the past, before me.
Now again... this is like a couple months into the relationship. We live together, he can't drive at the moment, we NEVER lie to each other, and he has told me he hasn't had sex with her or anybody since we are officially an item (which is around a year and a half now).
hah. so now here's the deal. I want him to tell me, if he is going to meet her or anybody for this reason. He hasn't yet... but I know that they have been texting back and forth... and I can only assume what they are talking about.

Now these days, I love him very much, and the worryfree environment in the beginning isn't really there anymore. I really genuinley didn't care at first... but I guess now I really love him deeply and it just tears me apart to think he wants to have sex with her....
On bad days this feeling is worse, on good days I can actually kinda see the thought behind it.
I love being with him and everything we have, nothing I have ever felt before, so I seriously don't think about other men anymore...

Can anybody give me some advice to handle this well, I guess it is jealousy, I especially would like to talk to some swingers or polyamorous people that can tell me how their love relationship works.... and if I should continue to deal with this....

Thanks everybody...


sorry for all the spelling language flaws... I'm originally from Germany.


 Nov 02, 2010 08:06:44 AM
SwingerGuest_Lola F
Posts: 592
Responses: 988
Location: N/A

Well, first of all, I don't believe you that you don't think of other men. If that were true, you would have to turn in your human card. So you're engaging in a little self-deception. That's OK, as long as you're aware of it ;)

But honestly, from the very beginning of your essay to the end, it doesn't sound like you're really all that into swinging or polyamory. You're just going along with what your boyfriend has wanted for the sake of staying together. That's pretty much the worst reason possible to swing. You should only be swinging if it's something that turns YOU on.

You're going to have to do some introspection and decide what it is you really want. If what you really want is a monogamous relationship, then you need to say so and soon. You might lose him, true, but better to lose someone you're not compatible with now than to hang on to a bad relationship.

If you still think that swinging might be fun, you should do it together with him. Go to a swingers club where the atmosphere is supportive and watch. Go without the intention of actually swinging... just watching. If you go and have a good time, maybe you can move on to other things.

But it doesn't sound like you're that into it. Take initiative. Don't be a doormat. Look to your own happiness first.

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